I smiled at the face on my computer’s screen — a MySpace profile pic of a Christian boy with bright eyes and a bass guitar.
He was 21 and part of a band made up of a handful of my friends. I was 19 and had seen enough to come to a quick conclusion:
I should date him.
We texted and talked, and felt tethered to each other before we ever met face to face. I chose him, and he chose me, and we forged onward, determined to share life without discerning whether we should.
This is because discernment is a lost art. We cross paths with a person whose gaze raises our heart rate, whose humor gets us every time, or who gets us. We are physically attracted to him or her, and mentally distracted by his or her presence (or absence). We decide with haste to date him or her based mostly (if not solely) on what we feel when we first meet, without acknowledging dating’s purpose: to discern marriage.
The result? We aim in dating to maintain the warm, fuzzy feelings that brought us together. We date without discerning. But discernment is an art we can bring back, if we ask important questions while we date, including but not limited to these:
Do I know the truth about this person?
In my then-boyfriend’s apartment, I smiled while I quietly asked a question:
“What crossed your mind the first time you saw me?”
He thoughtfully paused, and aligned his eyes with mine, before he answered without blinking (and, apparently, without thinking):
“I want a piece of her.”
You want a piece of me? The line led to fightin’ words, words that build walls between a woman and a man, which—in that case—was for the best. But the line also led to a realization: When a man likes a woman, he doesn’t do what that guy did (including but not limited to “objectify her”). So what should a guy do when he likes a girl? Click the above link and in this — my first post as a Catholic Match Institute contributor — I’ll tell you.